If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
