and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
