I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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