I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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