Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
