the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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