just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
