The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
