There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
