One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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