I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
