Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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