so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
