If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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