I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
there is glitter all over my balls
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
