no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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