I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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