it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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