final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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