Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
