you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
