I am in a vortex of obligation.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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