they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
