You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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