why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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