So drunk, too bad you don't want this
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
