either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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