both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
