you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
