two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Randomize
