there was a trapeze. enough said
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
