In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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