Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
