Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
she woke up with a sticky ear
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
