i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
