So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
