You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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