Swine flu. Run for my life!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
a search helicopter?!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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