I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
