Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
