Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
