Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i think i have herpe
just one?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
