is your mom at the bar?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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