he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Randomize
