This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
