He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
