Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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