Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
