sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
