is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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