capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
