this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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