I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
