Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
