The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
