people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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