I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
