I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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