so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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