Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
