Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
