The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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