Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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