i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
