i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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