It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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