He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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