You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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