if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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