I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
