it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
