Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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