Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
