I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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