After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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