Sry I called you an 8
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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