My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
