You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
